brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
