then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
