i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
