I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
