don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
