I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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