matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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