No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
