1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You're like the curious george of whores
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
