I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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