so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
