Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
