i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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