batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize