yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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