That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
