I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
