on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
