my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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