There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
