Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We need to get me chipped asap
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
