got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
