he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
