I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
