why didn't you poke me back
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
