The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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