Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
