The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
