You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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