Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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