you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
