Banned from zoo.
Again?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
