I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
