So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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