Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize