And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
