I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im having a threesome with these popsicles
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Randomize
