With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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