When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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