i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
