You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
