I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
