i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
