Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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