the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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