I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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