Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
