I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize