so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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