we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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