Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
