the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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