It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
