He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
