my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dignity is for republicans.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize