Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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