Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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