I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
its not stalking. its research.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
