I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you would pick up someone in the library
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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