Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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