I need help removing her.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
