do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
