found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize