I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
