Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
