Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
