Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize