It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
