If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
