now i know why i became what i already was.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i believe in u and ur pee
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
