Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
