That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Your cock deserves a montage
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
