At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
