Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
