Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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