im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He better not be in your backpack
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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