And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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