Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize