I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
