Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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