Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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