ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
