I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
