Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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