How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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