we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
