Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
