You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
