i don't like sucking hair
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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