Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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