just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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