Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
