I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
