So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
