DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
