Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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