YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
