you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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