I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize