I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
