His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
