I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
