I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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