its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
