Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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