I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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