HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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