What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
