I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
