see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
