i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
