nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
