So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
