My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
