He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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