I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
