we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
