ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
