Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize