Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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