im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
