how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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