First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
