She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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