so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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