You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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