My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
