We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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