Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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